From Dad's Point of View

The birth of Henry was a roller coaster of emotion for me as Dad. My greatest concern was for the safety of mom and baby. Here in Cebu they have many of the same things in the US when it comes to medical advancements. Jill had 3 ultrasounds and an amazing doctor, we had an army of a nurse staff, the hospital was 11 floors with two buildings, and every medicine you could think of at 1/5 the price. But . . . we are still in the Philippines. So here was my journey.

I was hoping to have the baby on a weekend so that I could focus on family matters without having to be tied to financial markets and clients. Sunday Jill was having contractions, but nothing really to concern us. We thought Monday would be the day as she was laboring on and off all through Sunday night into Monday. I had a full day planned to go to Carcar to visit our seaweed farm and then onto the other side of the island to find our location for farm number two. Jill asked me to stay home as she felt Monday was the day. I stayed home, but nothing.

When we woke up on Tuesday I could tell that that was going to be the day. I contact the Mathews family who have helped so much in the past. Bro. Mathews is our home teacher and is originally from Australia. His wife, Merlyn, is the sister of Cynthia Fantone that we have mentioned here on the blog before. They have a very flexible schedule as Peter owns a few restaurants and real estate properties, so it is easy for him to drop everything and come running.

I packed up the car with everything and we headed off to the hospital. I walked into the hospital carrying a big department store bag full of supplies like alcohol, face masks, towels, and everything else that you may think you would need in having a baby, Jill's carry on bag, a backpack, and a jug of water. We had been told first hand horror stories that the hospital does not supply anything - if you want something for your baby you need to bring it. So we brought everything with the exception of stitching supplies - even then I was worrying that we forgot something.

Once we got to the Labor Room Jill and I parted ways. Men are not allowed in the Labor Room because it is shared with other laboring women. I was okay with that as long as I got to be in the delivery room. Here in the Philippines it is not customary for the father to be at the event at all. His job is to stand out in the waiting room. I wasn't going to put up with that. I wanted to be in there to make sure they were doing things right and to watch over my wife and baby. We did get a letter of permission allowing me to be in the delivery room from the Managing Director.

After waiting for about 15 minutes a nurse came out and said that I needed to go register Jill into the hospital. So I lugged all the bags through the hospital to the admission office and got Jill registered and put a 10,000 peso deposit down for the labor ($220). Everything is done in cash here. If you don't have cash you don't get treatment - at least not in this hospital as Chong Hua (the Chinese hospital) is the top of the line in Cebu. At the admission I selected the room that Jill would be in, but was confused if that was the delivery room or recovery room. They said it was only the recovery room and they told me to go there and wait until Jill was done. I resisted saying that I wanted to be in with my wife and that we had submitted a letter allowing me to do so. The admission office lady said that I still should take up the bags and leave them up in the room.

Well, I didn't take her advice because I didn't know what Jill would need for the delivery so I carried all the bags back to the Labor Room and gave the receipt to the nurse. Seeing me carrying all the bags, the nurse encouraged me to go and wait up in our room - which, by the way, was on the 10th floor in another building. I insisted that I needed to talk to my wife to find out what she needed. The nurse kindly said, "Wait awhile sir, I will go ask." After 10 minutes she returned giving me instructions to take the bags up to the room and wait until the delivery was over.

"You don't understand! I am going to be in there for the delivery." I said a bit upset.

She responded, "Do you have the letter from the Director?"

I explained that we had got the letter and that they had it or maybe it was in with all the stuff I was lugging around, but if they could just please let me talk to my wife I could get it all figured out. It had been about 1 hour since I last saw Jill go into the Labor Room.

The nurse told me to wait a while so she could go talk to someone that knew what they were doing. After about 10 minutes she said they were waiting for approval from the Director and asked me to take a seat. I did not sit down, but stood there where they could see me . . . waiting. I have learned something about Filipinos that really bugs me: They are very good at passing the buck with no intention of helping you. If you go to the department store and ask, "Where could I find men's shoes?" and if they don't know, they tell you, "Up two floors sir." Most of the time that is not true, but they figure that you will go away and ask someone else when you get lost again. I was not going to let this happen in the hospital - so I just stood there waiting.

After standing at the door for 20 minutes another nurse came and told me to to sit down and just wait. I explained in my best "kind" voice that I was waiting for them to allow me to go in and see my wife. The new nurse did a little investigation work and returned and told me that I needed to go pick up the signed letter from the Director. So I headed out to try to find the Director's office which was on the other side of the hospital. Dragging all my bags and luggage I made it to the Director's office and lucky for them they were waiting with the letter for me. I say, lucky, because I was at the point of explosion at this point.

When I returned to the Labor Room door with the letter the nurse thanked me and told me to just "wait awhile." I insisted to see my wife again. The nurse told me that she was still in the Labor Room and that I could not go in there and that the letter only allowed me to be in the Delivery Room. With all the emotion and being put off here and there I had forgotten that Jill was still just laboring and not ready to deliver. So I yielded, but still insisted to talk to Jill. The nurse kindly told me to go to my room and I could call from there to talk to her and they would also call me when Jill was ready to deliver.

So I headed up to our suite on the 10th floor of the other building. The room had a nice view of the city and ocean and really was a great room. I immediately called down to the Labor Room and the nurse that answered the phone said, "Sorry, your wife is hooked up to monitors and you can't talk to her right now." I was so frustrated at this time that all I could do was laugh and request that she give me a call back when she was off the monitors.

Well, I waited about 1 hour before they called me to come down to the Delivery Room. It was time for the big event. Since I had not spoken to Jill about the conditions from the inside, I dragged all the luggage back down with me. When I arrived at the Labor Room doors that are hooked to the Delivery Room I was greeted by two male nurses.

"Sorry sir you can not come in here." I lost it. I had no patience to explain to them and go through the whole story with them. I yelled at them saying, "I don't care what you say. You don't know anything. Go and get someone that knows something. Right now!"

I think I scared them a bit, but I was done playing games. After a minute or so, a nurse that I had dealt with before came and let me in. She brought me an apron, hat, mask and sandals three sizes too small to wear. She repeatedly told me that I should not have brought all that stuff and should have left it in my room. I repeatedly replied that I would have if they would have let me speak to my wife. I was not nice at all.

I ended up putting half the stuff under the reception desk and still taking in the medical supplies and such. When I entered the Delivery Room I realized with a few seconds that I really didn't need anything in our bags. They had everything there. Jill was there with a big smile and so was the Doctor. I was surprised to see Jill in the delivery position and about 12 nurses working around Jill getting ready for the big event. "Wow" I said to myself, "This is going to happen fast."

Three nurses after seeing me come in the room immediately grabbed a chair and invited me to sit in the corner. I kindly said that I was happy to stand right by Jill's side. They kept insisting and I said a bit less kindly, "I have seen all my children born, this is where I am suppose to stand. Thank you!"

Jill did great. She just kept saying through the process that she liked Dr. Tan's style. Dr. Tan just went at it. The last two pregnancies Jill has not had the experience that she was looking for. Dr. Tan took an aggressive approach with Jill encouraging her to push and giving her instructions of what she was doing right and wrong. I was very impressed.

Now I wasn't so impressed with the nurses, however. One of the nurses jobs was to put the ultrasound machine on Jill's stomach to hear for the babies heart beat between each contraction. I actually liked that set up, because in giving birth naturally many times the cords and monitors on the contractions and baby get in the way and hinder the process. In this case, there were no cords with the exception of an I.V. in Jill's right hand. After each contraction the male nurse would look for the babies heart beat. Several times the nurse would be looking in the wrong place and Dr. Tan would give him directions where to move the mic. "More toward me," she would say. But the nurse would move it a different direction. Dr. Tan is a lot more patient then I was. At one point I was ready to position the ultrasound mic for myself after the nurse tried for almost a minute to find the babies heart beat. At another moment, the I.V. bag began leaking onto Jill's head. Dr. Tan stopped and gave instructions for them to replace it. Like with any other fix it job here in the Philippines when the nurse analyzed the problem and saw that it wasn't dripping water on Jill's head any more, they told the doctor that it was fixed. No it was not. The only reason it had stopped dripping is because the little cap had already dumped out and just hadn't filled up again, but give it one minute and it would fill up and dump on her head. After three requests by the doctor, they finally replaced the bag.

Jill did an amazing job. I was very impressed and proud of her efforts. The baby did take a bit more work to get lower then Jill expected, but with about 10 pushes the baby was out. I however from that point on did not do that well. When the baby had his head out Jill just needed one last push to get the shoulders out. This is always a very tense time, but I almost fainted right on the floor when I say the babies shoulders come out. I just could not believe how big the baby was. It was amazing.

I followed the baby over to the baby station in the corner of the room. It is an amazing feeling when you see your child for the first time. I was quick to get some good video footage and did my best to be by his side, but after about two minutes I knew that I needed to either sit down or I would fall down. I headed back over to my corner and sat on my chair. Once I sat down I realized that maybe one of my problems was that I was wearing a mask and was breathing in my own air. I lowered the mask and within two minutes I felt back to normal again.

The birth was a success and Henry came through without any complications. Jill did an amazing job doing everything naturally, and I prevailed on getting into the delivery room and also stayed on my feet - it was a good day.

After a few minutes they moved Jill to the recovery room which is also shared. I followed the baby to the recovery room a few minutes later. Jill took the baby and then I went back to the admission office to register the newest patient - baby boy Ottley.

While in the admin office one of the nurses came in the room and saw me sitting there with all my luggage by my side. She proceeded to lecture me on taking it up to my room. I just looked at her with a stern face and shook my head back and forth. She got the picture and quickly shut up. At that time I did take all the baggage up to the room and then ran back down to the nursery to watch over the baby while Jill recovered. They told me that she would be in the Recovery Room for about two hours and then she and the baby would be transferred up to our room. I was not able to go into the nursery but I watched Henry like a hawk through the glass.

Henry was the celebrity of the nursery as he was almost twice the size of many of the babies there. I believe the average weight of most Filipino babies is about 5 1/2 lbs. Henry weighed in at 8 lbs. 6 oz. It was actually funny to watch the nurses reactions when they saw the baby. What was even more fun to watch was when a new nurse would come in the room and see the white baby, their first impulse was to go and pick up the baby. As soon as they would approach the baby the other nurses would call to the new nurse and say in Cebuano, "Daddy is watching." The new nurse would slowly put the baby down and walk away as if she had just got caught stealing. Indeed, Daddy was watching and I wasn't going to let him out of my sight.

Security in the hospital is nothing like in the states. Yes, they do put name tags on the baby and the mother, but there are no locked doors like in the US and people come and go as they please. Security was my greatest fear therefore it became my greatest responsibility.

I talked to many of the other proud dads that huddled around the nursery. It was interesting to hear their stories. One father had been there for almost 24 hours before the baby was born. Another could not stop from smiling at his new baby boy. When I asked him if it was his first baby he said no, but his first was "just a girl, this is a boy and that is different." Filipinos follow the tradition of many of their Asian neighbors and that is, a boy child means everything, a girl is just another mouth to feed. I was quite shocked at his reaction as I think of my precious Savannah and don't think of her any less then the other four boys - If anything I think more highly of her. It was interesting to see the culture differences.

At that time, I had loosened up a little bit and made some friends in the hospital. When someone would ask if that was my baby, I would respond, "How can you tell?" I received many congratulations and praises for such a beautiful baby.

Even with the overseeing security I still couldn't keep everyone away from my little boy. One nurse would come and get Henry and change his blanket, only to be followed by a second nurse not more than one minute later to come and give him his Hepatitis immunization shot. Henry had the royal treatment in the nursery and I actually didn't mind the extra care.

Finally after about 3 1/2 hours from the time of delivery, they brought Jill out. The nursery nurses asked for baby Henry's clothes to change him before he went up to our room. I tried to insist that they change him in our room because that is where I left all his things. They said that they couldn't go up there and that I would need to go get it and bring in down. I just shook my head in disbelief. Oh, how I wished that someone in that hospital could have explained to us the process. I dragged the baby's luggage around all morning with everyone telling me to put it away, and then when I do put it away I am told that I should have brought it. Go figure.

Baby Henry stayed with us in the room at all times. I slept on the couch and Jill in the bed. One time the nurse wanted to take the baby out to bathe him. I insisted that I come. She responded, "No need sir, I will bring him right back." I then explained a bit more sternly that I would be coming. After about three times explaining she finally got the picture. I really think the nurses thought that they were doing us a favor in offering to take over. It was difficult for us to help them understand that I was not going to let our baby out of my site.

The next morning we were able to be discharged from the hospital around 12:30pm and we took our little baby home.

What a crazy and wonderful experience. Although having a baby in the Philippines was far more stressful, I do believe that this experience for Jill and the baby was the best of all our children. Not to mention that before we left I paid all the bills for the hospital, doctor, and deliver in cash which amounted to 1/4 the cost of a birth in the states. That did make me happy.

I thank God for such a wonderful wife and mother for my children. I am so blessed to have these sweet spirits in my home. It will be a challenge to have 5 children, 4 of which are 4 years old or younger, however, I look forward to the opportunities and blessings that come. What a blessing!